You know that point in a race when you are nearing the end, but you still have a ways to go? It happens during all races. Maybe it’s the last half mile of a 5k, maybe it’s mile 23 of a marathon. You know that the majority of the race is behind you. You know that the end is near, but you can’t see it yet. You know that you’ll make it to the end, but you also know that it won’t be easy.
And then some well-meaning spectator shouts out from the sidelines, “You’re almost there!” and shakes their cowbell or claps or “woo-hoo’s” at you. And you want to punch that person in the face because it doesn’t matter that you’ve already run 23 miles, no way in hell is 3 more miles almost there.
That is the point I’m at with this deployment.
Technically the deployment is over. My husband is safe and sound in Germany. But he’s not home yet. He will be soon. I know I’m almost there. But I also feel like I’m nowhere near close to having him back yet. And even then, it’s only for a month. Not even that. I get 25 days with him. Then he gets on a plane and goes back to Germany. Another goodbye. And I don’t know when I’ll see him again after that.
Almost. Almost. Almost.
I try to be positive. I feel like I’ve been doing pretty well. In fact, just earlier this week I was feeling really proud of myself because it had been a while since I had the deployment blues. I guess that just means I was overdue.
I know that the only way to get to the end is to keep going. And I know I’ll get there. But I’ve hit the wall, and I don’t know how I’ll make it to the end.
How can I be almost there when the finish line still feels so far away?*